Klaxon Cuts Competition

After a week of curtain twitching and scanning the 10 Day forecast, early sunshine looked set to disprove the meteorologists yet again. A bumper weekend for the organisers, 10 became 16 in a flurry of Saturday afternoon phone calls. First, never-a-dull-moment, Frame confirmed followed by the Lone Ranger himself, McLoughlin. Potter, eyeing the main prize, swelled the more experienced section with Baker Snr also in the paddock; Horsburgh Snr missed out after being firmly over-ruled over possible non-attendance of a 60th birthday bash. At the other end of the spectrum, Stanton County Junior players Allen and Minchin boosted the youth policy and quality, handicaps of 3 and 5 respectively.

Dean and Baker Snr were in relaxed and optimistic mood with the buggy fully juiced up and waiting, with thoughts of aching joints up the stretch a distant memory.

Alas it was not to be, with possibly the highest quality field to date, 12 holes was the maximum the lead group could make, with Meadows straining at the leash and eager to make his mark, before the Gods unleashed their fury. The storm warning initially skirted the surrounding landscape, with the heavens threatening, an almighty crash of thunder was followed a dazzling lightning display that had the klaxon blaring and the field retreating. More customary to the U.S Tour rather than the TGS Tour, certainly a first!

The final quartet of Tuckwell Jnr, Dean, Baker Snr and Hefter were handily placed on the 10th, within a stones throw of the cars, as the end of the world approached. Baker Jnr, Meadows, Allen and Minchin faired less fortunately, crammed in a tiny wooden hut with ex-ladies Captain – Hilary; who managed to scramble a direct line to the clubhouse and proceeded with verbal diarrhoea about pleated skirts, darning and running through every shot of the 94 accumulated in the previous 11 holes. Baker was about to test Hils's conductibility but couldn’t decide whether husband Eric should be sent out instead, who kept the huddled group abreast of the imminent storm with ‘one elephant…two elephant…three elephant – did you know that one was 400m away… one elephant…' Lord strike me down and put me out of this insanity!

McLoughlin, for once mis-firing, was thankful for the adverse weather conditions but amidst the darkening gloom became conscience of only having a t-shirt as sole protection; but found salvation in a broken brolly in a nearby bin, to Daft’s amusement!

Hoenigmann drew blood after a lengthy spell rummaging in the bushes on 4, pausing over the next shot as claret spilled down the shaft prompting need for some first aid.

Horsburgh Jnr triumphantly informed his fellow partners that if you don’t par the 8th you might as well walk in, before proceeding to duff one lamely into the adjacent stream whilst limply retorting in a Charles Hawtrey toned voice ‘Oh no don’t go in there!’ On that advice 11 of the field may as well have given up as a bad job, Minchin tamed the tester, driving the 291 yard hole; always a helpful way of getting a birdie.

With the field safely accounted for in the clubhouse and with the ample ladies to service the thirst, a voucher awaited entitling a full replay for all, nice touch. With no other choice but to call it void; it was despair for the leaders and second chance for the languishers.

With all groups finishing 9: A 9 hole challenge for honour, prestige and bragging rights.

Half the field were separated by only 4 points, it was certainly shaping up for an interesting finale, sure to test ones bottle and see who would need to reach for the Halls Soothers. Hefter equalled Baker Snr’s 2007’s opening 9 high of 20 points and with it the double edged glory. After a no score up the first the putter was in immaculate touch as was the course management and sand saves. Baker Snr, also hot with the putter, confirmed definite course form with a superb second placed 19 points: A brilliant nett eagle the highlight on 6. Man of the moment Daft (18) ousted the always entertaining Frame (18) on count back for the final podium spot. One '2 point' over the 9 was nothing less than expected for Frame! Minchin (17), on debut, started and finished with birdie for joint lowest gross with Allen (16). While Meadows (16) was handily placed after an important nett birdie on 9 amidst a flurry of fist pumps. On the same hole Baker Jnr (15) managed to bounce one back down the road, a passing Jaguar deflecting the ball metres from the original hit. Tuckwell Jnr (16) finished with a long snaking birdie on 9, the second of the round after a comfortable tap in on 5. Hoenigmann (16) wracked up another impressive 9, time spent on the driving range pre tee-off signalling intent. Radford (14) showed immediate improvement, practise on Tiger Woods ’08 clearly paying dividends!

With all said and done it, Meadows still managed to sit pretty in the clubhouse. Cheers!

http://tuckers.fr33webhost.com/Horsley_9holechallenge.xls

Caption Competition

Answers below or on the forum.

Hepburn gets a hole in one!

5th hole, Stanton-on-the-Wolds. 156 yards, slightly into wind, 5 iron in hand. Majestically struck, one pitch and perfect arc into the awaiting cup. ACE...

...Ian Hepburn (Snr) managed the impressive feat on Friday the 25th of April.

Earlier reports that Hepburn Jnr had repeated the amazing achievement were disproven, with photographic evidence showing that comments had been taken out of context.

Although for TGS Records, Chris Hepburn does hold the record for the nearest for a hole-in-one, 3 inches, at the 17th at Norwood Park after clatting the pin. And yes he did get his birdie!

The jewel of 2007, first time played and a real treat.

Officially Ranked the No.1 Course in Derbyshire and Awarded Silver Medal in the Midland Section (2005): Golf Monthly and HSBC UK Course Rankings.

'Expertly molded into 168 acres of wonderful Derbyshire countryside, this remains a thinking course where a variety of shot making skills are necessary to arrive at a large green, where subtle undulations provide the golfer with a further challenge. It can be both easy and difficult at the same time. Higher handicappers can club down, heroes can go for it. Trees really define the holes now, and the greens in 2007 are fast and true with meadow grass now being dominant over the American grass used in the greens construction'.

(Horsley Lodge website)

Something for everyone, especially liking 'heroes can go for it!' (Meds!) and was also wondering if a variety of shot making meant...

A *Rock Hudson* - looked straight, but it wasn't
A *Saddam Hussein* - from one bunker straight into another
A *Kate Winslett* - little bit fat but otherwise perfect
A *Glen Miller* - didn't make it over the water
An *Arthur Scargill* - a great strike but a poor result
A *Russell Grant* - a fat iron
A *Rodney King* - over-clubbed
An *O.J. Simpson* - got away with it
A *Princess Grace* - should have taken a driver
A *Princess Di* - shouldn't have taken a driver
A *Michael Jackson* - gradually fading
A *Douglas Bader* - looked good in the air, but didn't have the legs
A *Ken Livingstone* - quite far left
A *Jean-Marie LePen* - a long way right
A *condom* - safe but didn't feel real good
A *circus tent* - a BIG top
A *Sally Gunnell* - ugly, but a good runner
A *Liz McColgan* - Ugly but runs forever

Ranked 9th out of 10 in dificulty through 2007 at a measly average of 26.4 points. The first of Meadow's back to back victories with 33 points, enough to take the honours and even more impressive with '5 blobs'. An indication of the challenge ahead (or maybe just bad play) 65 blobs racked up by the 15 2007 starters! It's important to get a good start, with a tricky back 9 and especially the finishing straight. Baker Snr holds the record for the front 9: 20 points. Meadows the back 9: 17 points. Horsburgh Jnr and Tuckwell Jnr made up the places behind Meadows but look out of touch after a tough outing at Beedles. Round 1 winner and pre-tour favourite, Daft, can't be overlooked despite poor course form.

http://www.horsleylodge.co.uk/Viewcourse.htm

Directionally, don't ask A.T! Any problems give me a shout.

http://www.horsleylodge.co.uk/Location.htm

More rabbit than...

Recent press release, sees Meadows in a bouyant and confident mood.

'Congratulations to Mr Daft on a positive opening round to the season, I was on fine form at Sleaford in a club match but the real competition for everyone starts in a couple of weeks at Horsley. A fiver will be placed with the bookmaker on yours truely. Tuckers make sure you have some film in that camera of yours the Poulter dressing, Tiger ability hotshot will see you soon for my debut Horsley defence.' Meadows 15/04/08

I hope you'll be bringing your A game Meds......... more rabbit than Ann Summers from you this winter..... the nation awaits!!! ;-) Hepburn 15/04/08

Jessica Rabbit.

Magician's rabbit

Welsh Rarebit

Peter Rabbit

Watership Down

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLHKzs12OGw
Chas & Dave 1980

Favourite Confirms Top Billing

A return to Beedles Lakes and double figures for the opener. The midweek forecast looked unsettled at best but what unravelled was a pleasant afternoon with a brief hail interlude. Hepburn boarded the magic carpet from Oxford and the temperature was sufficiently warm for Baker Snr to make the starting grid. The media circus surrounding Horsburgh Snr arrived with time for a coffee before proceedings commenced. As per usual the drill sergeant was ready to inspect and cash in on absent pitch mark repairers in his brutal yet comedic fashion, this time adding a folder of ‘banned clubs’ to his repertoire. Do you get out much…?

2005 runner up Hepburn and drinks aficionado (without onboard cabinet!?), The Power – Baker Snr and the Metronome – 2006 winner Horsburgh Jnr got the 2008 Season underway, with the latter having the opening honours. Hepburn banished previous demons with a procession of two pointers as Horsburgh stumbled into the season, an early 4 putt setting the tone. Baker swung into an early groove with 9 points through 4 but was as good as it got as water formed a major part of the remainder. A double reload on 7 also proving troublesome. With all three on simmer, a rarity: HEPBURN BY ONE!!! At the turn – renaissance, is there something in the no pinocolada lark Chris? A rare glimpse of possible things to come, nett eagle for Horsburgh Jnr, followed by some consistency, unfortunately the only bit of salvation in an otherwise disappointing afternoon. Baker was hampered by water on 12: a miscued tee shot avoided the wet stuff but a 5 yard second didn’t. Hepburn rekindled some not to distant memories: a 90º wormburner collided spectacularly with the ladies yardage marker off the 15th tee and ricocheted handsomely down the fairway. With the tough back 9 gaining the upper hand, it was Hepburn who stole the group honours for the first time in over 3 years!

Amid the media frenzy and autographs, Horsburgh Snr plays it cool and loosens the shoulders

Horsburgh Snr, Hefter and 2007 North Shore starlet Hoenigmann set off with the dark clouds gathering. The customary ‘ting’ of the Hoenigma’s King Cobra echoed off the first and every other tee for that matter, proving it had wintered well. Hefter settled best into a rhythm; of two point regularity. The weight of expectation appeared to hang heavily on Horsburgh, although taking 4 holes to realise that the reason the 9 iron wasn’t going very high was because it was the 6 iron, probably didn't help! Hoenigmann waited patiently until the 7th before igniting his round: 10 points in 3 holes, including 2 nett eagles saw him catapult into the ascendancy by 2. Hefter looking for a tidy half way total came a cropper up 9, sitting comfortably in front of the green for 3: two trips to alternate sandy shores culminated in Eurovision’s finest – nil points. Horsburgh and Hoenigmann both went ‘fishing’ on 10 before a mini revival saw Horsburgh briefly threaten; although backers will be impressed with a relatively strong finish. With the round equivalent to Augusta in duration, the trio decided to analyse the first groups swings a la Butch Harmon: leans back on impact, arms too close to the body, too fast, before all missing the fairway and realising their own handicaps! Hefter finished strongly; one blemish sandwiched between three 3 pointers. Once again Hoenigmann played steadily before a flamboyant ending. A bullish nett eagle up 18 for his 3rd 4 pointer of the round tied Hefter for group honours, just missing out on the back 9.

Pre-tour favourite Daft, 2007 champion Tuckwell Jnr, 2 times 2007 tour winner Dean and the powerhouse Radford brought up the field. All good from tee to green; the quartet struggled to get to grips with the slick baize in the opening holes, before Dean made a meteoric rise up the leaderboard with a nett eagle/birdie double – the wand final producing the magic. Daft finally dusted off the winter rustiness with a trio of nett birdies to cling onto the coat tails in the latter part of the 9. Tuckwell was untidily unspectacular with a solid opening 9. Newcomer Radford was swinging freely and hitting shots uncharacteristic to a man new to the game, a definite ‘watch this space over the season’ especially when the short game slots into place. Dean limped to the turn but finished strongly for a 1 shot half way lead. Radford joined the fishing party on 10 as Daft produced the shot of the day – low, raking banana shot, dissecting two bunkers and finishing on the back of the green after being well and truly snookered by an ageing oak. Tuckwell couldn’t find any inspiration amidst a mild meltdown. Dean and Daft were inseparable through 15. The turning point fate/fortune on 16.

Dean rooted: the green 90º to the right.

Daft teetering: A handily placed sign.

A re-occurring knee injury derailed Dean up the stretch – Tuckwell offering to get it out for him if he holed it, was misconstrued! Daft decided on 17 whether to keep under the radar or go for handicap reduction – not best with the rules committee in close proximity. Decision made; with 2 bombs off the final two tees. A blob up 18 was Tuckwell’s only no score in a laboured title defence. Daft resolutely home.

An ominous and comprehensive victory from the bookies favourite, Daft (38) for his sixth win in 28 starts lifting him clear of A.T. in tournaments won. An equally impressive second for Dean (34) in tough conditions, with Hefter (31: B9-17) getting the better of Hoenigmann (31 B9-15) on the back 9.

After Round 1 Bangles Bookmakers was reportedly standing all prices… but Bob was being pushed out a bit!

http://tuckers.fr33webhost.com/TGS_Results_08.xls


ROUND 2: HORSLEY LODGE - SUNDAY APRIL 27TH @ 3pm

What it's all about.

Here she is, in all her glory, the TGS Claret Jug. The prize that awaits the TGS 2008 Champion, to join the illustrious company of past winners R. Baker, J. Horsburgh and S. Tuckwell.

Is this the closest Horsburgh Snr will come to the silverware?

Is Hoenigmann dreaming of consuming his beer from the hallowed trophy come October?

Who tried to flip and catch three beer mats, but failed?

Will Michael be the first Scottish champion?

Is the glass half empty or half full?


to be continued...