NORTH SHORE 2005

The Cast (alphabetical)

R. Baker (Nelly, Lumpy)
Quiet, refrained member of the society, with shares in the Cuban cigar trade. Sleeping with Dessaur quite literally, waking up at 4 a.m. both in the same small single, jury still out, after much talk of knocking the back doors in. Defence claims a wrong turn out of the en-suite and that lefts and rights were misunderstood. Highly entertaining on course, with monstrous hitting: Many treats perhaps relieving a roof of a tile on the 9th the highlight. Unlucky not to have back to back eagles: driving 18 & hitting the long first in 2, both finishing 10 foot away.

R. Daft.
Team Captain of the aptly titled ‘Right Hacks’: for the team’s footballing outlook. Confirmed by room mate Ladd, that none of weekends Premiership goals would have been scored as they would have been grounded well before the trigger was pulled. Joined the pre game beach strollers and kept the fruit machine fraternity happy. An excellent golf game that appeared to hold up under the influence, and staved off some challenges in the early to bed stakes.

W. Dessaur (Woz, Warren, Max, Dessy, Marcel)
Streaked the best turned out with a sharp combo of knitwear, diamonds and roll necks. All round entertainer and livewire on and off the course. Big hit with new ‘lazer’ putting technique and scooped a last hole team win against Vin with a pressure two putt in front of an intimidating 18th crowd. Left clubs outside overnight; in process of shelling out £400 for a new set when bar staff came to the rescue, also lost jacket and disoriented after top to tailing with Bobby. Hit with the ladies and bridge builder with the teaching and knuckle dragging fraternity. Late for dinner borrowing an iron and accompanying board. White wine connoisseur and part of the Skeg reconnaissance mission. Too many to mention!

M. Hall
New comer with lots of gear. Partial to a tight sweater, high waisted slacks and bottles of Becks. Will improve with practice, although may be barred from North Shore after peppering the conservatory with a full blooded 8 iron on 18 from 80 yards. Scooped the acclaimed ‘Dross of the Moss’ award but finished on a high with a par in front of the gallery. Naively joined a 2 hour ‘livener’ to Skeg, with Dessaur, Hoenigmann and the bros, reportedly quoted at saying it would have been better to have sent them on their way with a 100 notes and leave them be!

M. Hefter (Stats)
Golf game immaculate but a distant second to a delightful array of golf wear, the matching pink jumper and shirt combo a definite highlight. A big mover in the Gin Cartel and ever steady with the black stuff. Found second shot on the 9th embedded deeply into an oak, left as a mark of respect. Ran Lacey close to the weekend challenge, but must rue one point in his final 2 holes. Handicap reduction. No Soiling. Rumoured to be on call Sunday night.

G. Hellier
Already in Tollerton folklore, confirmed status by inconsistent and high entertaining antics on the course. Accustomed to giving everything the kitchen sink. Owner of a jigger. Managed to hit a random pedestrian called ‘Kev’ before informing his partners to run for it. Insured for 2.5 million and offered to claim a near Horsburgh hole in one, to be entitled to a £300 bar tab! Proud team captain of the winning 4, although professed to most of it being in a non-playing capacity. Very comfortable propped at the bar with a bar stool. Quoted as bemused to feeling a little jaded after not drinking that much! Although look no closer than the ‘North’ Seafood medley. Rumoured to have a unique alarm call: coughs and hacks. Took 4 out of a fairway bunker on day 1, hole 1. Partial to a reload.

C. Hepburn (Heppers, Bangles, Bagpuss)
Regained tag of successful bookmaker, creating odds for anything that moved. Comfortable after dinner speaker with a flamboyant manner. Possession of an immaculately well stocked golf bag, trademark pino colada, gin and tonic and wine a necessity. Trailing by one in the overall standings with 9 to play before going off the rails. At home in Pringle golf wear and comfortable with a cigar. A big hitter in the bar, and reason for a shortage of gin. Turned down Day 2 breakfast in favour of restocking golf bag with alcohol.

M. Hoenigmann (Mikey, Hoenigma)
Golfing novice, professional socialite, token Scot. Finished strongly with best ever 9 holes. Only man to hit every bunker and tree, but remained with a smile on his face. Ditched the offer of a buggy on ‘team Sunday’, wavered rights and removed bag on hole 5 to Bob’s dismay. Confessed to having 26 Jack Daniels too many on evening 2 and owns a fantastic smile for the cameras. Big consumer in the Skeg party setting a constant pace with Vin. Hands down winner of ‘Last Man Standing’ and team bridge builder. Lost handsomely in a no win opposition card game and nicknamed a Blidworth lad as ‘fatty’. Sparked a song from one eyed Willy: ‘We pish on your fish – yes we dooooo’, before replying ‘You fish on your pish – yes you doooo’. Picked up some ‘blue’ ‘Bluetooth’s’ and was dressed at dinner by a waitress.

J. Horsburgh (Horsey, Matty)
Game in tatters, featured the highest odds of the weekend with chances drifting to 1500-1. Heavily backed at 16-1 to win his four-ball, but didn’t disappoint the resident bookie. Stomach faired slightly worse: breakfast ordered on day 3, but last seen searching for solace in the fresh air as the black pudding was being applied. Pivotal figure in the Gin Cartel, pre dinner session clearing bar of Gin, Tonic and Ice! Struggled off the tee but coined the phrase ‘that was a bit matty.’ Very close to an ace.

R. Horsburgh (Bob)
Made the weekend possible, and kindly purchased wine for the evening meal. Contributed 3 very consistent days of golf, finishing handily placed. Hit his own parked golf cart from 20 yards before megging Hoenigmann in the same motion. A huge hit in the bar and dropped trousers for the local females, before being sternly reprimanded. Entertained with the whereabouts of Horsburgh castle that has one window, and an excellent foil for Phoenix.

M. Lacey (Zeb)
Welcome addition and top man to have on board. Top golfer of the weekend with exceptionally consistent play to scoop the bookies challenge by 3 shots. Regained composure after a shaky run up the stretch. Runs well on J2O and fined for the biggest watch of the weekend. Sailed longest drive over Vin’s head and owner of a Johnny Miller wooden taped up 4 Wood. Hit clubhouse with a fiery second on 9.

C. Ladd (Terrine, Repton, Alan Partridge, Chrisss)
Tallest golfer in Skeg and longest levers. Hampered by involuntary bowel movements and big winner in the early to bed stakes. Golf ranged from the sublime to the ridiculous. Inaugural away day champion (Friday’s winner) but equally spotted swishing at bag with weight of the world on his broad shoulders. Hit a moving vehicle on day 2. Large drive and partial to Collis Brown. A waitress’s nightmare, with most dishes being returned with dissatisfaction, especially the sponge. Managed to hit a drive under the matt of Horsey from an elevated position. Danger to other players unless they were on the green. Part of the pre-game beach strollers.

S. Phoenix (Bim)
One man entertainments officer, frequently heard laughing on most tees. Largest bag of impressions and all round livewire. Longest leave of the weekend: 1h30 after first good night. Key player in the Gin group. At ease recounting stories and a solid golf game: finishing third in the overall stakes, and part of the winning team. (Can’t do the man justice with more tales than you can shake a stick at, please assist)

A. Tuckwell
Struggling with game but produced a stormer and low round (79) of the weekend to impressively sneak the ‘seeds’ game. Re-ignited the punters hopes with thoughts of a revival and backed heavily before fading. A regular in the bar despite 5.30 starts, and polished off a Jameson’s bottle on day 2. Called the Hall shot on 18, and was last seen throwing his ball towards the green on the same hole after floundering in a fairway bunker.

N. Tuckwell (Vin)
Well travelled member of the society with the ability to eat a small farm. Juggling 3 jobs accounted for an early to bed on day 1, but responded with a relentless day 2 super session. Ran Hall closes for Dross of the Moss but unfortunate not to tie with Dessaur on the ‘Day of the Seeds’. Unrivalled best turned out on Day 2: pink, chino/visor combination. Forgot golf shoes and often quoted as being ‘hot’. Doubled previous 9 hole score in 3 holes on day 1. Key member in the Skeg outing, managing to fire in a shot with Hoenigman whilst waiting 2 minutes for a taxi.

S. Tuckwell

Errant and favourite for the most ‘fore’ shouts. Thrice seen having a ‘meltdown’ around the turn, one resulting in a ball being sailed handsomely down the road on 9. Spectacularly hit a fairway 3 away from the one he was playing and somehow hit the 1st fairway off the 18th. Also spotted beach combing on 5 and reloading. Part of the ‘Skeg drinking Rekky’ and pre-game beach stroll. Pushed Hoenigmann in the last man standing stakes and gave a good ten penneth in a rival card school. Left strange answer phone message and close in the roughest at breakfast award.

'Rough' for Hepburn as Baker Scoops the Innaugral Claret Mug

So it was, the grand finale which offered so much and delivered. A season high turnout of 17 arrived at a sun soaked Cotgave for a pre-match bacon cob, plenty of nerve steadiers and a flutter on Bangles Bookies Ltd open for trading on the days event.

A fatherly affair; Horsburgh, Tuckwell & Wood Seniors opened up, intent on beating the light. Debutant Wood in devastating form: 2 under thru 4 amassing 13 points in the process. Horsburgh once again providing the accuracy this time middling an oak from 6 yards. Tuckwell struggling: with his holes completed/unfinished ratio 5:4 against. Wood was clear by 5 at the turn. Tuckwell faired better after the break an 8:2 ratio, however left disappointed to find a lost ball on the 17th after being straight down the middle. Horsburgh remained consistent while Wood consolidated.

Ladd, Jenkinson & Frame teed off with the weight of expectant punters on their shoulders. Anecdotes were few and far between with concentration high. Jenko was once again off to a slow start and with Ladd stuck in second they were left 3 adrift at the turn, Frame burying the demons with his new irons. A strong end to the round saw Framey home, not before Ladd launched a monster up 17 to claim the early onus in the longest drive stakes.

The big 3, Baker, Daft & Hepburn, had an earlier than planned start to ensure bad light didn’t stop play. Baker in the box seat, with one shot separating the field at half way. Cue Pina Colada for a power surge, although Heppers may have regretted leaving the remnants for Horsey. Baker appeared to implode, mind working over time on the permutations that could see the ‘claret mug’ slip from his grasp. This was compounded by some youths offering expletives to all who could here as Baker stood over a slippery one on 14. With his last efforts, the offenders were sternly reprimanded and the outcome leaving the spoils out of Bobby’s hands. A costly 3 putt at 17 knocked Daft out of the running; it was down to Bangles needing a par at the last to wrestle the glory away from Baker. Fuelled with adrenalin, and needing another can of p c, Heppers got a flyer into the thick Bermuda grass at the back of 18 and was unable to apply his silky soft touch that had served himself so well and took 4 to get down. Baker jubilant unless Tuckwell Jnr could fire 40 points.

Horsburgh Jnr, Wood Jnr, Tuckwell Jnr Jnr and Gary Player, sorry Hefter were keeping an eye on proceedings in front. Vin led by one at the turn from an immaculately well turned out Hefter. Horsy finally delivered some excitement claiming nearest the pin at 17 and duly converting for a 2. Wood Jnr finally got the driver working but it was left to Hefter to power home and finally deliver what he has promised all season. Vin produced his best form of the year and with some hard graft on the short stuff will surely challenge before long.

Tuckwell Jnr, Dessaur, Hoenigmann and debutant Hall propped up the rear in a most enjoyable 4 ball. Hall impressed with only his second ever game, providing some shots to remember but humbled by the great game when thinking you’ve got it cracked! Hoenigmann was deadly on the green, obviously buoyed by an excellent 3rd in a national fencing competition the day before after 3 years out of the sport. Dessaur was ever the entertainer and aiming for his Ibiza total and in pole at the turn. Tuckwell lagging; with one eye on half term. A trio of 3 pointers set Dessaur well on his way before fatigue struck the newcomers. Not before 4 Billy Bowdens elaborately ‘sixed’ Dessaurs ball out of the course as it flew high, high and handsome over the back of 17, then next delivery saw Halls being ‘foured’ to the boundary fence. Hoenigmann sent them on their way with a trolley clatterer! Tuckwell was on the charge but somehow found water on 17 and visibly ‘lost it’ before limping home.

Soup and sandwiches waited for the weary few as the scores were totalled. Hefter (40) claimed a well deserved maiden tour victory, the best turned out award and best ‘bookie clean out’ (shared with Horsey) after waiting to depart with cash after drifting to 16’s. Framey (39) was back to his very best to once again claim a podium spot. Ladd (37) again finishing highly. Wood Snr (36) having an excellent debut. Horsburgh Jnr scooped nearest the pin with Laddy storming the longest drive.

Results:
1st: M. Hefter 40 points
2nd: P. Frame 39 points
3rd: C. Ladd 37 points
4th: D. Wood 36 points

5 shots and less than a 1% shot average separated the top 4, and it was Baker who sneaked it by 2 from Hepburn in an extremely tight and exciting finale that came down to the wire. Ladd must be rueing falling a round short of qualifying; having attained a healthy average. Also Jenko, who carded 21 points in his impressive average.

Overall standings:

Position Shots Average Winnings
1st: R. Baker 216 36 £60
2nd: C. Hepburn 214 35.67 £40
3rd: R. Daft 213 35.5 £20
4th: P. Frame 211 35.16

The Best Excuse on Record

Round 10 complete, with a twist in the tail down the A46 at Beedles Lake, and an unforeseen and unexpected turn of events for the absent Bangles Bookies Ltd after some heavy hits. A steady 9 enjoyed a leisurely, pre game water and feed from their 8 year old host, who was offered some extra hours at the Baker residence after showing a deft hand with the pledge and immaculate table service.

Horsburgh Snr, late entry Drury and Baker were drawn in the opener. The former fearing the worst after his first 3 shots covered 150 yards, but it was the up and down from 200yds that set the tone for his round. Allegedly late for the after show drinks due to wrapping his putter in ice… Drury led by 2 at the turn. Baker, in a fetching salmon pink, for once propping up the rear. Drury with a spring in the step, fuelled with pre night G&T’s and power caddy on full charge, kept up the relentless pace for the early club house lead in a high scoring opening 3.

Horsburgh Jnr, Hefter and Frame set off all guns blazing hoping to boost their averages and influence the ante. It was left to Frame who led by 5 at halfway appearing ruthless. Hefter appeared to show an interested in ‘ditches’ – carrying out a first hand survey on which had the severest incline. A net eagle and birdie from Frame left him on 30 points after 13 holes. This was all too much for Horsburgh, who inquired if Framey was expecting a boy, girl or whether it would be a surprise. 2 points in the remaining 5 holes would suggest the latter.

Tuckwell unfortunately had more shots than sneezes on a day when the pollen count was – high. Regularly scouring the long stuff for High Towers high, wide and handsomes were not helping. Ladd, forlorn, resigned himself to using a range ball. Daft somehow managed to ignore the Mickey Mouse wooden spoon chase by his partners, showing sublime touch round the green and considering a new career in midwifery. Daft led by 6 at the turn. A further visitation to the foliage in search of huge Ladd away swinger on the 10th proved to be Tuckwell’s salvation – the reward - 9 new balls and kick starting a ‘hot’ back 9. Ladd on the other hand may well be transferring to Jewsons and lucky not to be doing time for GBH, if having a lie in with Mrs Ladd. Daft stayed strong and kicked for home and single figures despite a tangle with the bridge at the last. Ladd consolidated.

So it was, Drury (41) with his second victory of the year, a joint season high total and good news for Bangles. Daft (37) snatched second and Horsburgh Snr (36) made up the places.

Highlight: (legendary!)
Ladd, returning the favour and offering to drive Dessaur, was left passenger less after many unreturned calls. All became clear after a textual message on the 8th.

‘ Getting a handshandy off a woman a strange woman for the Walkabout Bar. Many apologies. Don’t know where I am. About to leg it!’
Good work fella!

On-Song Jenkinson Eclipses Record.

A bumper turnout enjoyed a glorious October afternoon, at Rufford park, fuelled by a spectacular buffet Lunch: choice of liver & bacon casserole, chicken pie and steak and ale pie, 3 types of potato and all the trimmings. Unfortunately the smell proved too much for Hefter, who graciously declined after a late night ‘session’ at chez Hepburn.

Tuckwell Snr, Horsburgh Jnr and Jenkinson set off buoyed by news from the resident ‘starter’ that any areas with a ‘blue stake’ meant, pick ball out of said area and place near the fairway. Baker licking his lips as anything off the fairway seemed to have a blue stake around it. Away with the irons out with the big dogs! Jenkinson fearing the worst after 3 points in four holes listened to advice from the wily Tuckwell and slowed down for an immediate 3 point halfway lead. Horsburgh had trouble on the moss: horseshoeing a putt further past the hole than it started being the highlight. The tricky ‘island’ 17th also proved adventurous for Jason, 2 reloads after 2 water bound tee-shots. Although certainly not the last! Jenkinson powered home for a huge total and eagerly awaited the rest of the field.

Baker, debutant Hallam and early pace setter Daft were aiming to impress. Hallam dispatched a beauty in front of a hostile crowd. Baker weighed down by a heavy lunch portion and a coaching role struggled to get things going, it was left to Daft who led by 6 at the turn. Baker decided to play target golf on the back 9, unfortunately Horsey was the target! Although by Bobby’s admission he did shout! Baker fired the low 9 of the day to take the honours as Daft faded and Hallam completed his first 18 holes, well done Andy.

Horsburgh Snr, Tuckwell Jnr, Frame & Hefter were after a flyer although set off with the handbrake firmly on, due to battling demons on the short stuff, Hefter in particular struggling with his range on the short ones but managing to drain a 30 footer downhiller across the slope. Horsburgh provided the accuracy, unfortunately middling an oak from 15 yards. Tuckwell led by one at the turn. Frame struggling with his new irons. Three of the four managed to add to the balls in water count on the 17th, one more than once! Tuckwell sneaked home by one, although a touch more fortune would have left Hefter way clear.

Laddy, debutant Hoenigmann, Vin & Bangles brought up the rear. Vin once again struggled with the wand and 4 points in 5 holes left him contemplating his ladies around the County, this must have done the trick as he ‘mounted’ a strong finish. Ladd & Hepburn were tied at halfway. Hoenigmann brought his own skills to the fray more reminiscent of Stephen Hendry than Montgomery twice in succession cannoning off stray balls to finish inches from the pin. Levers & Bangles had a high noon shoot out that went to the death, once again Hepburn’s something extra, a can of pina colada! & Gin & Tonic, saw him home by one! Vin was the last to find a watery grave on 17, making a collated 12 for the day!

Jenkinson scooped all the accolades with a colossal 42 points: maiden tour victory, season high points tally and best turned out in the paddock. Hepburn (39) propelled himself back into contention. Ladd (38) finally delivering his potential, made up the places

The Books Closed on Baker

The need to complete the 6 crucial rounds brought the big guns out to a sun kissed Ramsdale. The 2.30 tee off very sociable for the KCC late nighters. Baker newly installed as the new 5/2 favourite & Bangles Ltd feeling the heat.

Indeed it was Baker, Jenkinson & Hepburn who delivered the opening blows, the latter ready with the lines to rattle the former. An opening birdie net eagle for 4 points for Baker seemed ominous. Baker led by 4 at the turn, thankful for the cart up to the mountainous back 9. Hepburn seemed to have either fallen out with his playing partners, keeping the following groups up with proceedings, searching for a G&T or enjoying visiting any fairway but his own, carded a splendid value for money back 9. Baker & Hepburn separated by 2 down the last decided not to trouble the score cards and blobbed, possibly fearing the handicappers axe. Jenkinson steadily playing his own game featuring highly on the fairways hit stats and with no reported 'horror shows' on the moss!

Tuckwell Snr, Frame & Dessaur set off for what surely had the potential for a high octane and entertaining 3 ball, Dessaur aiming to complete more than the 9 midweek holes and with wheels to accompany trolley! Frame looking home and dry by the 6th was suddenly hauled back in as Tuckwell Snr produced a sequence of eagle net albatross for 5! birdie, net birdie to draw level at the turn. Dessaur delighted to have 2 putted, admitted it was improving and by Wednesday he should be alright! The undulating back 9 seemed to have dampened the scoring, Tuckwell disheartened by a lost ball on the 14th opened the door to Frame who boosted his average

Tuckwell Jnr, Ladd, Daft & Horsburgh Jnr brought up the rear. Daft buoyed by the loss of the favourites tag appeared free swinging but found himself 2 behind a 'hot' Horsburgh at the turn. Ladd in a very fine boater appeared to be intent on losing his golf ball: the fact that he didn't is a minor miracle in itself. In search of a motive one can look no further than it usually coming to rest by a very nice 'treacle' 2 groups behind, 'have you seen my balls love....' I'm a bit wild today...' I can't seem to grip the shaft properly...' Tuckwell seemed to be battling inner demons.... Shalimar bhuna, vindaloo and jalfrezi. Ladd finally composed himself with a strong finish and a daily high 21 point back 9 haul. Horsburgh drained a satisfying 20 footer on the last with 'the claw' to come home by 3 over Daft.

With the sun setting and not too many red faces it was Baker (39) who once again took the honours even off his new mark (for one round only!) Horsburgh (37) & Hepburn (37) made it on the rostrum. Frame (35) just outside the places. With all bets closed on Bobby, Bangles checking the Baker schedule pencilling in weekends away to ensure one round short!

Tuckwell Knocks 'em for Six

The circus rolled onto a windswept Morley Hayes with a reduced number due to some kind of cricket match going on. The stakes raised with Bangles Ltd Bookies in full operation.
Horsburgh Jnr, Horsburgh Snr and Hepburn were drawn in the opening 3, the latter two eyeing up a chance to rattle Junior after some interest in the market. Unperturbed a majestic 3 openers were dispatched down the first, setting up a tight opening 9, Horsburgh's leading by one at the turn. With a single masterstroke Hepburn accounted for his playing partners by releasing the pressure on a trademark can of Gin and Tonic' (I am not sure if this is on the PGA banned substance list). Unable to regain their composures' Hepburn powered home to the club house lead and in search of news of England's destiny.

The big guns were drawn together, Tuckwell Jnr, Brown & Rymer. Tuckwell ruing his final comment to Horsey in reference to watching his legs as the drives would be whistling round the openers ankles, fortunately missed his own ankles by inches and was saved the ignominy of not reaching the ladies tee by the fact it was down hill. Rymer 'pure strike' was faultless until approaching 30yds around the green when the short game deserted the big fella altogether. Brown again hit some crunchers and showed great touches around the green, a tad more fortune on the moss would have seen a score close to par. Tuckwell played steadily enough, but had one of those days with the putter, holing everything from everywhere, culminating on the last hole with the ball teetering on the edge of the cup momentarily before falling in a la caddyshack.

With some heavy mid week ‘punts’ Tuckwell Snr, Daft & Hefter set out with high expectations. Tight at the turn Tuckwell Snr produced some sublime to ridiculous, firing combinations of birdies, quadruples and birdies to ease ahead at the finishing line. Hefter kept it together until possibly the news of England wickets tumbling and the thought of another bet disappearing! Daft seemed to be more intent on checking his reactions, firing point blank into a tree from 18 yards , ball whistling back waist high and the three diving for cover.

A slightly bizarre conclusion, through sharing the day with a wedding party and the entrance to the course being through the clubhouse. The Bride & Groom sitting joyfully in a classic car having left the building, must have been some what surprised to have been followed by Stats walking hand in hand with his trolley down the red carpet on their big day!

Tuckwell Jnr (37) took the spoils and maiden tour victory, with Tuckwell Snr (34) and Brown (34) filling the medal positions. The latter pair only separated through count back on the last 15 holes. Hepburn (32) again boosted his average.

Baker Express

Ahhh, the morning after the night before, with eyes like p***holes in the snow after a heavy Saturday session. Horsburgh Jnr once again struggling with the directions doubted his father's participation. But Rob, sponsored by red bull, duly arrived on time as Baker & Ladd emerged content from the clubhouse after a full round of sausages - 'Walls'.

Baker, Ladd & Heppers began in a height restricted opening 3, only 6ft 3 above need apply and set the standard for the morning. Baker and Heppers led by one at the turn, but it was Laddy who began to apply the heat. On a crest of a wave 'Levers' looked to launch one down the 13th but managed to spectacularly 'meg' himself on the tee! Was it a faint inside edge, or the windspeed generated by the huge wind up: only the big man will know. However it was left to Baker who cranked up the pressure with a procession of net eagles and birdies and the last time off his current handicap.

Drury, Rymer & Vin set off eagerly but the failure to gauge the speed of the greens scuppered any bumper points haul. A reported 100 combined putts on the front 9 appeared to be the downfall although the alleged speed of the front group put pay to the ever steady Drury. Rymer was clearly has thoughts else where with the imminent arrival of his newborn scrambled to the ringing phone early into the back 9 fearing the worst. The fears were allayed as the mother to be was calling to confirm that the Aussies had been skittled out and no sign of the baby! Good girl!

Debutant Dessaur got off to a flyer. bag: check, shoes: check, trolley: check. wheels for trolley........ oops! Another debutant Brown hit some huge shots with the pinnacle, driving the 301 yard 5th. The eagle slipped by but the birdie was confidently holed. Horsburgh Snr made up the 3 and continued his steady run of form. The highlight of the 3 came at the short par 3 8th. After two pearling shots to the heart of the green from his playing partners Dessaur decided that if he couldn't have a lie in then neither would the residents behind the green, and duly launced a one bounce fence clatterer into the horizon! Never a dull moment, and a fine performance from all 3 considering they had been 'lightly raced'.
Tuckwell, Daft, Horsburgh Jnr & Hefter made up the final 4. It was left to the latter pair to creep along under the radar confidently accumulating points. Horsburgh in particular was finding great form with his new 'Knife', cutting a mean line up the fairways. Meanwhile Tuckwell & Daft were playing like complete spoons and wondering when it would forking end! With a scratch team match following behind Hefter tried to sway the crowds with a magnificently holed chip for net eagle on stroke 1. A run of 10 points in the penultimate 3 holes saw Hefter equal Horsburgh Jnr total of 32 points, and wondering whether they had troubled the scorers. This soon became apparent as Baker asked if 38 points was any good! Thank you Robert!

DAFT MARCHES INTO SINGLE FIGURES

With the buggies fully juiced, pairings decided, Horsy still on the A46 to Newark..... (sure Southwell is round here somewhere....!) and the rest of the party lost in the car park debating the whereabouts of the first tee, another evenings entertainment got underway.

The holes were very poetically named, Minster, Pear Orchard, Maythorne, Lily Pond but perhaps naming them after the greens would have been more appropriate..... Matterhorn... Eiger, Everest... K2.. Approach play below the pins a necessity!

Young guns Frame, Daft, Vin & Tommy were first to the plate, Tommy's mind games catered for yet another. Pre tournament favourite Frame, alleged to have 'gone' whilst approaching the first tee. However, Tommy expecting to find another whirlwind drive up the left half of the 9th fairway was left 'ball less', disappointed and unable to regain composure...... 'gone'. With just 4 points separating the quartet down the last, nerves/cold/hunger/dehydration/Star Trek got the better of them and 9 balls were dispatched in all directions off tee! Daft kept his composure to oust Frame by one and have the early clubhouse lead.

Team Tuckwell took on the might of Jenkinson & Hepburn in a big money match but were left having more adventures than Tintin. Snowy was definitely needed to retrieve many errant balls from flora, fauna, water, bunkers, bunkers and a bunker... Team Tuckwell one up at the turn and coasting, couldn't have expected the back 9 onslaught especially from 'softhands' Hepburn, very at home around the green, who turned the deficit into a win, 1 up. Jenkinson hit the shot of the day from the elevated 178 yard, par 3, 12th. Jenko escaped with a 2/3/4 (delete as applicable!) after a majestic 7 iron to 2 feet.

The 'navigators': Horsburgh, Hefter & Dobson put the carts through their paces to ensure that they kept up with the group in front and played the holes in the correct order. They consistently produced an array of spectacular drives leaving them well placed in the percentage of fairways hit. Hefter lead by one at the turn, but once again the lightening fast mountainous greens lowered the back 9 scoring. Hefter hung on to sneak home by one and impressively returned with the ball he started with.
A low scoring but compact leader board saw Daft (32) take his second victory of the year (and a march into single figures!) Hepburn (31) and Frame (31) made up the medal places, with the chasing pack very close behind

Never a Dull Moment

Last seasons champion, Baker Jnr, Baker Snr and previous weeks’ truant Thacker opened up. Bobby yet to embark on his one man bridge building routine around the county at cricket, did his bit for inter-club relationships, peppering the local Presidents v Past Captains match with some hefty drives. Baker Snr had a game of two halves but the 'happy Hammer' would have been pleased with the strong climax to the round. Thacker appeared to do little wrong in a rather impressive total, beating his own ‘TGS low round’ with ease, and was left to see what the rest of the field could produce.

Tuckwell Snr, Horsburgh Jnr, Phoenix and Hood followed in what can only be described as eventful and entertaining. Horsburgh, elated, having gained ‘relief’ from a bridge on the second, was middled squarely on the ankle by a 90° wormburner from Hood. Horsey experiencing the kind of pain and discolouration usually reserved for opposing wingers in his TFC playing career! Phoenix continued the entertainment with a re-load on 8 and reduced his playing partners to tears, after appearing to implode on 9, a visitation to the water after being in prime position resulted in a club entering the said water and nearly followed by the man himself. Hood remained composed with a bumper 9 point haul through 7, 8 and 9. Phoenix, trailing Tuckwell by 4, rallied superbly an excellent birdie net eagle saw him top a close quartet.

Dean, Horsburgh Snr, Brown and form player Rymer set off in anticipation. Rymer led by 3 at the turn from Dean and Horsburgh Snr with some consistent scoring. The pick, a birdie net eagle on the tricky Par 5 9th. Brown rallied with a group equalling back 9 high, but this was matched by Rymer which saw him home.

The early start and eagerness to please the organisers saw Thacker (36) home with a maiden tour victory, Rymer (35) once again grabbed second spot. Phoenix (33) regained composure to snatch third spot from Brown (31) and Horsburgh Jnr (31)