North Shore 2007

A retrospective and by no means comprehensive look at another successful return to Skegness for the North Shore Experience ’07. Administratively tough, with final numbers only confirmed at the 11th hour. Debutants Whilmott and ‘The Doc’ Brown were among the runners, but with a trio only able for 2 of the 3 days Horsburgh & Tuckwell were left racking their brains for a format.

Individual:
3 rounds stableford: North Shore Champion 2007
Eclectic: Each individual puts forward their best score from each hole over the 3 rounds, to enter their ‘dream’ card.

Team: Pairs competition
Day 1: Best score put forward out of the pair

Day 2: Both scores from the pair
Day 3: Better ball stableford in the pair.

Bangles Bookmakers Ltd was once again in operation, and with a limited form guide, offered very generous odds on Hefter, Phoenix, A.T. and pre-tournament favourite Brown. Team Phoenix & Hefter were installed as early favourites with Brown and Hoenigmann rank outsiders. Maybe decisions were not helped by rocking into ones Oxfordshire bedstead, after a very, very heavy night on the source, at 3.30am. Ideal preparation for a quiet weekend Christoph…

The Golf…
Batman & Robin: It was all about 1 man, who literally blew the opposition away with majestic sustained golf and very ably supported by his partner in crime. From Day 1 Brown smashed all records in sight - A level par opening 9 set the tone, eventually smashing the North Shore 18 hole low, previously held by the Tuckwells’, by 3 - with a 76 gross and 38 points. The Tuckwell’s proved the closest challengers with 34 windswept points. Horsburgh Snr 33 points elevated confidence and bravado to traditional first day highs. While Hoenigmann, with a tip from the doc to free those hips, proved animalistic with his new King Cobra driver, hitting it unerringly straight and far – and registering a pleasing 31 points.


Day 2: The outside pairing of ‘snakehips and the doc’ virtually sealed team honours. Two fantastic 36 pointers combining superbly - Hoenigmann’s 20 point back 9, the highest since TGS North shore records began and another sub 80 round from Brown. A.T. was clinging onto the shirt tales with 33 points even with a disappointing back 9. Phoenix began to show but was once again ruing a 12 point 9 hole showing - proving his undoing. Hepburn perhaps had the improvement of the day proving his worth as a team player: 29 points phenomenal in light of a golf game in transition (polite) and a fragile mental state (kind). The customary first night alcohol fuelled bravado led to the traditional Horsburgh Snr prophecy of a table topping nature, amidst the centre of camp pool etiquette and a spread betting ring. Unfortunately, for Rob, normal service was resumed, unhelped by the morning after the night before, a second hole wrist injury and 5th hole trolley collapse - whilst playing partners Phoenix and Dean walked on in disbelief.


Day 3: The customary jaded start and call from certain areas that the third day is a day to far and should be scrapped! Brown once again the only man to truly test the elements and course. A second consecutive 78 gross and 36 pointer, even with 2 no scores, confirmed the inevitable. 110 points equaling Lacey’s 2005 3 round total, and one shy of Baker’s 2006 total. A massive 15 point winning margin made even more impressive from the low handicap mark – does that reflect on the rest of the party at all..?




Tuckwell Jnr finished runner up but can look to 3 poor back 9’s after being in prime position at the turns. Hoenigmann, inspired, made the rostrum with an absolutely brilliant 3 round showing, casting off the previous years wooden spoon. Well played Mike...


Team Challenge: Rank outsiders, and cleaning out the bookies in the process, Snakehips and The Doc aka Hoenigmann & Brown blitzed the opposition with delightful team play. Silver medalists, Tuckwell Snr and Hepburn (yes you read correctly!) warrant equivalent praise and special mention showing brilliant teamwork. A.T following up last years winning team prize.


Eclectic: A new feature aimed to keep all interested until the final hole, whereby each player records their best score on each hole to put forward to a ‘dream card’. Unsurprisingly it was a shoot out between Hoenigmann and Brown, with Hoenigmann returning victorious with a mammoth 49 points to Brown’s 48 – a nett birdie on 17 proving decisive, Horsburgh Jnr, unfeatured in the individual, chose his holes well for 44 points and the bronze on count back from A.T.




Off Field
The traditional post carvery retirement to the snooker room released Horsburgh Snr inner camp, with John Inman surfacing in a cameo so impressive that it proved too much for the non TGS couple occupying the snooker table. ‘Balls’, ‘holes’ and ‘going down on me’ obviously pressing the right/wrong buttons! Brown proved as deadly on course as on the baize scooping the killer stakes. Whilmott proved this years ‘Chubb’ with a lack of appropriate dining wear.



The popular Day 2 Saturday Skegness Express had a full quota and was full steam ahead to the Sea View for the customary full time scores and a leisurely loosener. Onwards to the sparsely populated Marine Bar, pulling in a game and viewing the care in the community (polite) whilst observing the wildlife (generous). Door policy: 16+ stone and shunned by society. Woolfies, Harveys and a return to Woolfies set the tone – fuelled by Hepburn inspired Jagermeister and redbull, Hoenigmann Aftershocks and Tuckwell’s Glayva, obviously necessary as the double G&T’s and ample lager weren’t enough…


A group decision to forgo the evenings dining was made in favour of kicking on through. The venue was no contest as within the space of an hour and a half ‘The Marine’ had transformed into possibly the most youthful (diplomatic) visually friendly (safe) and aesthetically pleasing (wow!) venue on the planet. Even if one of the day release patients was still shuffling/gyrating/guerning her ample geographically challenged bra laden frame on the dance floor. Fair play for the stamina!


Hoenigmann took it upon himself to introduce himself to every female group with varying degrees of success. Other elder members were speechless as to the lack of clothing apparent and ‘I’m too old for this!’ With no sign of the pace slowing Tuckwell got embroiled in a dance off with some nutter: with trademark ‘slide’ and ‘bounceability’ in full working order he final succumbed as hoisting an adjacent female into the air before falling into splits was a step too far. Although the robotics and rubber legs seemed in working order later on. Hall and Brown were on fire into the early hours - Conversational skills working a treat, dinner (Subway, twice) and ensuring their hosts a safe passage home before graciously declining coffee.


Having been dragged to one bar too far (The Litten Tree) by Hoenigmann (who was left as Last Man Standing - unsurprisingly), Tuckwell and Dessaur hit the chips and cheese trail and convinced some local scallies that they were a film crew reporting on the apparent high mortality rate of Skegness residents during the off season. Priceless.



Man most alert, smart, bright eyed, bushy tailed and coherent for Sunday mornings’ breakfast… Hoenigmann – unbelievable

You've been Frame'd

The climax of the 2007 tour saw the traditional return to Cotgrave, for an assault on the Masters course and plenty of chance for points. Some bleary eyes from heavy celebration were buoyed by the news of the first ladies to be making a TGS appearance. Tuckwell was optimistic, with no last minute withdrawals, although an early doors call to Horsey, confirmed two non runners: Dean, bad back. Big Paul, with what ever reason he wants as I am not going to argue with him. Best was yet to come with the 10.30 tee time approaching Horsburgh Snr checked in to confirm if it was a 12.30 or 1.30 tee off…

After a re-draw it was Hoenigmann, looking very spritely, Frame and Daft, with the final opening honours of 2007. A shaky start for Hoenigmann, clearly runs better on alcohol although a good sign for North Shore. A firm showing around the middle of the 9, left Daft in a position to attack. While Frame was once again finding it ‘threesrey’ does it: 6 nett birdies and one blob for a top draw 22 point, 5 point half way advantage. Hoenigmann started playing some shots around the turn, but may attribute a minor wobble once the cat’s camera made an appearance. Frame powered into an 11 shot lead after 14 holes with group accolades assumingly assured and bookies already paying out. Daft made once last throw of the dice: birdie, bogey, par, birdie for an immense 13 point 4 hole finishing sequence. 39 points after 16 left Frame with his own previous high in sights, a tough finishing duo saw him impressively equal this and throw down the gauntlet.

Next up: Tuckwell Snr, fresh from England’s rugby celebration, Ball, not so fresh from house double vodka and limes, Horsburgh Jnr and Baker Snr. Ball immediately found the fairways, unfortunately 3 to the left of the intended target. A.T showed some end of season promise with a couple of three pointers as Horsburgh tucked in behind the lead pack despite a disappointing lost approach to the 5th. Baker Snr ignited the round on 7: A nett eagle, enough for a joint half way lead, by 1, with Tuckwell Snr. Ball failed to register 4 times on the bounce, the possibility of being at the centre of a betting scandal maybe weighing heavily on the mind. Quoting Bruce Grobelaar and Hans Segers as role models, the Keyworth United No.1 correctly predicted Cotgrave 3 Keyworth 1 plus predicting the Cotgrave number ten would score, who duly obliged!. Horsburgh couldn’t quite get it going, the story of his season, and uncharacteristically found water twice, 20 yards in front of the 11th tee, amongst great hilarity for his playing partners. Baker Snr remained strong after the turn, but a watery approach to 17 resulted in a points shy finish, but one to definitely watch for 2008. Tuckwell’s Snr round appeared to petering out before an equally impressive, Daft like finish, of birdie, bogey, birdie and 10 points, seeing a welcome return to form.

Tuckwell Jnr, dressed in Tiger’s Sunday black and red, buoyed by the news of an absent Dennis, was accompanied by the nearest challengers to the title: Meadows, Ladd and Hefter, who needed a record equaling score to reel the pretender in. Meadows was in attack mode: Driver cocked and ready, but immediately found trouble down the first. Hefter opened up with 5 straight 3’s: unfortunately putts! Ladd, making his first appearance for 2 months, found the putter in nice touch: a tasty birdie on the tricky par 3, 8th, across the slope the highlight. More disappointment for Meadows through the opening 3, and began to feel the heat: black trousers, black roll neck, black shirt, mid 20°. After a near perfect opening hole Tuckwell went from champ to chump with a very poor showing off the tee: Aiming to rectify matters with the driver up 9 only resulted in another lost ball and a limp half way total. Meadows found the answers with some accurate hitting and positive putting, an equally impressive 2 on 8, saw him remain in contention. Hefter by 2: 21 points made even more astounding as it contained 22 putts! With driver at the ready, Tuckwell went on the charge, finally converting for birdie at the fifth time of asking on 14. Ladd began to wilt in the heat, as balls started disappearing low and left. More aggressive putting from Meadows kept the pressure on. Hefter kept accumulating with a slightly better showing on the baize, a no score on the tricky 17th, the only blip in a solid round. A 3 putt in front of the gallery was a slightly disappointing end for Tuckwell but could take solace from a one over par back 9 recovery. 36 points from Meadows was made even more impressive as it was composed in 15 holes.

A final four, fresh from the Boots Rugby Club ball and with KCC connections, the first husband and wife and female debutants, swelled the numbers but were happy to engage in a personal social battle. The highlight, two young Cotgrave scallies deciding to cut in front of the Garland four on 6. Asked whether they had asked to play through, Garland replied. “No, and tell them Big Dave wants to eat them!” No contest!

With beers consumed on the sun kissed patio and tales of what had been and what could have been were relayed, soup and sandwiches were served. Hepburn nearly ejecting Tuckwell Jnr for peppering his soup without even tasting it! With all bar Laddy’s tuna sandwich devoured it was results time.

The days honours were scooped by Frame (42), whose form has either been woeful or wonderful, finishing on a definite high. Daft (38) returned to the podium, accompanied by Hefter (37) who once again could have been nearer 50 points. A final flourish from Tuckwell Snr (36) and Meadows (36) brought a quality end to proceedings.

A rain reduced TGS 2007 tour of 10 events, added to the pressure of selecting the 6 best rounds, with not as many chances to discard those ‘I don’t know why I bothered rounds.’ Surpassing Baker Jnr’s 2005 total (216) and eclipsing Horsburgh’s Jnr 2006 record total (219) was always going to be tough. Consistency was the key as Tuckwell Jnr (208) finally added his name to the trophy. A whole host of runners were gathered for the podium cash spots, but in the end it was Meadows (199) and Hefter (197) who succeeded.

2007 FINAL STANDINGS

1st: S. Tuckwell (£50)
208
34.67

2nd: T. Meadows (£30)
199
33.17

3rd: M. Hefter (£20)
197
32.83

4th: P. Dennis
192
32.00

Doctor, Doctor...

I swallowed a bone. Are you choking? No I really did…
I feel like a £10 note. Go shopping; the change will do you good…
Can I have a second opinion? Of course, come back tomorrow…
I feel like a pair of curtains. Pull yourself together…

Inspired weather and a full house for the Melton Open, no troubles directionally and all on time without one S.O.S phone call. Baker’s initial panic put to rest: The white out of bounds markers tight up the right of first giving the impression of not much room proved a false dawn. The pressure for applying a society rule that white stakes don’t count was over ruled!

Luck of the draw pitted Frame, Horsburgh Jnr and Tuckwell Snr together, the latter fresh from the Plough, usually a sure sign to watch this space. 3 was the magic number for Frame, An opening nett birdie, followed by three consecutive abstainers, and a duo of 3 pointers, to finish the 9. A.T. couldn’t find a par for love nor money but registered on each hole, while the metronome eased into a one stroke half way lead, with the usual steady brand of golf. A mixed bag saw Horsburgh consolidate, while A.T. finally ‘parred’ on 15. A birdie up 17 set up the unlikely target of 30 points, although the court is still in session as to the manner of the no score up 18… A quadruple nett birdie blitz saw Frame comfortably home.

Daft, fresh from Cape Verde, Baker Snr and Hefter, looking to post a big one, were next up. Baker Snr, quickly into his stride with 8 points in 3 holes, with some lusty blows and deft touches. Daft, still nurturing the sunburn, found the going uncomfortable as Hefter looked to find the answers on the short stuff after the last outing. Hefter by 2 at the turn. Daft found some disjointed rhythm slipping in some promising holes but achieving the second best option of the day: bumping the handicap up by one. Hefter couldn’t continue the solid form and trailed off despite a relatively strong finish. It was left to ‘the power’ to secure the status of the groups’ main man, with a tasty 2 pointer up the last.

Hepburn and Baker Jnr were accompanied in body not mind by a still alcohol fuelled Hoenigmann. The taxi rolled in at 4.30, the memory recalling until 12.30. Unsurprisingly getting to the green proved difficult. On the green a different prospect altogether: Hoenigmann clearly having a good eye for the ‘hole’ Putts reining with such force and brutality that Baker had ‘999’ at the ready. Baker, with the first TGS outing since surgery decided to use all his shots in the opening 9 holes and see what was left in the tank. Hepburn consolidated after a nervy opening as news that Thacker wouldn’t be traveling finally filtered through. Hoenigmann somehow gained composure and took pole with a determined showing up the 9th: Titled ‘Beaver’s Folly’ may have been the answer. A resolute rear end for Hepburn will have boosted confidence as Hoenigmann played out the remainder in mind but lacking in body! Baker stepped on the throttle with an explosive passage of play, usually in the locker somewhere, returning 2 over par and with an impressive 22 points.

Dennis (Hoenigmann’s late accomplice, but fearing slightly better) and Hall were joined by Doc Brown and Radford (previously Rymer II). Hall, either hit or miss, was swinging nicely but the ‘TGS low’ devil appeared to be perched on the shoulder early doors proving rather inhibiting. Dennis, with title aspirations, started solidly but couldn’t kick on as the big man, Radford, stuck to his guns and hit some powerful sliders off the tee: 6 points in the opening 2, a solid platform. Brown, in the midst of a putting crisis, unveiled the new ‘odyssey wand’ the tangerine grip a firm favourite with the old footballing faithful. A masterstroke: clearly at home with a very tidy showing on the short stuff, 19 points, and the lead by 5. A bumper 9 point, 3 holes showing, raised hopes for Dennis, before settling for Dafty’s option of a shot returned and the prospect of a big finish at Cotgrave. Hall limped past the low as Radford finished with a beauty up the last, nett eagle and smiles all round. It was left to Brown, to stitch up proceedings with some neat incisions, dissecting the fairways and proved the swing was operating well under pressure. Birdie followed by double caused the pulse rate to rise, before returning to a stable condition. A fine nett birdie up 9 saw him safely through a 4 hour ordeal!

Twins, Dean and Horsburgh Snr, were accompanied by Tuckwell Jnr and a very well turned out Meadows, fresh from a round at Stanton. Horsburgh had some ‘tete’ problems before finally going on the offensive. Tuckwell started positively, a loose tee shot on 4 the only cause for concern. Dean was once again giving a free lesson on the putting surface as Meadows did likewise with the 2 iron. Tuckwell by one in a tight opening 9. Dean jumped on board the bogey train and appeared to stall at the inter section as Horsburgh completed another solid round: The success off the tee shot directly linked to the type of tee used. Tuckwell fell off the pace and fell into a ditch, trying for an up and over recovery shot, unfortunately clocked by the group in front. Meadows reached for the driver and delivered some accurate arrows but lost all touch on the greens. With the sun settling on the righteous, Tuckwell and Horsburgh both used Dean’s ball beneficially to finish strongly.

Brown (35) made a triumphant return to the fold after a 7 game absence with some sharp shooting, to scoop his maiden tour win. Frame (34) quietly went about his business (surely a contradiction!) for the silver medal followed by Baker Jnr (33) with an all singing and dancing back 9. A whole host of ‘could have beens’ a couple of shots further adrift.

A Game of Two Halves

An unknown quantity for 2007 after a fixture error in 2006, saw the TGS ride into town for the Greater Cote d’Grave Open for the tricky Open Course (A+B). A notoriously tough opening stretch with an abundance of H2O was sure to make things tricky for this week’s ensemble.

Form player, Meadows had sights firmly on the first ever TGS triple win after last weeks money and accolades had changed hands, and was accompanied by 2007 starlet Dennis and local chef, Britten. A whole dish of ‘unsavouries’ and ‘shots d’mare’ must have been served up in the opening 4 holes: 4 points registered between the trio. Dennis was relieved to open the account on 5: The pressure of an English lesson at Major Oak entertaining the French Boss’s son becoming a fading memory, surely that should be Hoenigmann’s duty… With the driver still untouched, Meadows was finding the longer approaches more troublesome with the blustery wind, and showed restraint in not beating 7 barrels out of the bag, with the pressure gauge on ‘danger’. The trio split by 2 with double figures yet to be reached. Britten carved through the back 9 with some choice cuts and juicy blows, registering 14 points in the next 6 holes and a wholesome lead. Dennis consolidated up the stretch as Meadows responded with quality at the death: a monstrous 7 point final 2 holes, including a near ace, for the honours on count back.

Horsburgh Snr, Dean and the return of the self exiled gin swilling cat, Hepburn, fresh with alcohol chiller provided the meaty middle grouping. Hepburn banishing demons with a steady start and no sign of Thacker! Horsburgh, searching for some form, was seen strutting down the fairways accumulating on each hole. It was left to Dean to provide the fireworks, wide and wider off the tee was rescued with some exemplary touches on the green, the Potter’s wand working over time. A nett eagle up 9 the highlight. Dean by 2, with the pick of the front 9 scores. Hepburn delighted the trailing group, with still palatable, iced G&T on 14 as well as a wormburner that shot across the 13th with Hefter putting out, and nearly scalping Bob with the recovery. Horsburgh clawed back Dean’s advantage with a nett eagle on 15 to go one clear. A horror show from the back of 17 from Horsburgh left Dean 2 clear up the last, who duly closed it out. Hepburn finishing strongly with a nett birdie.

Tuckwell Jnr made it just in time for the final four with Rymer II, Hefter and Horsburgh Jnr as companions, and probably racked up more points on the way from Bingham to Cotgrave than in the first three holes. Rymer II and Horsburgh faired little better as Hefter wrestled the initiative. A birdie on 4 kicked Tuckwell into action before a watery tee shot on 7 well and truly put the skids on a disappointing front 9. With the big stick in hand Rymer II found there was not enough course to play with and the group racked up an impressive 8 ‘wet ones’ by the 8th. Hefter sublime from tee to green was at the other end of the scale on them, whilst Horsburgh took a shine to the sand. Tuckwell by one, in another low scoring opening 9. News that the quartet wouldn’t even be registering, score wise, with the trio in front proved the catalyst, as Hefter began to turn up the heat. Rymer II had the ball on a string during the back 9, positioning at will: the one that ran up the shin and nearly landed back on the tee peg was especially impressive. Although a best ever 9 holes with some immense putting was a great effort from the big man. A procession of 3 pointers made it interesting for Tuckwell although 2 visits to the sand in the final 2 holes prevented an under par back 9. Horsburgh looking for a handicap increase took out the driver up the last, but hit his best drive of the day, setting up par and a post 30 score much to his disappointment! Hefter finished strongly although the 33 points accumulated should have been nearer 53, and surely an odds on favourite for one of the last two tournaments.

Not to be for Meadows as Dean (35) made it played 2 won 2, with near perfection on the short stuff. Tuckwell Jnr (33) once again made the rostrum, pipping Hefter (33) and Horsburgh Snr (33) on count back.

Stewards Enquiry

Sack the board! A turbulent day off the field couldn’t detract from the excellent on course play that was had at the might that was Norwood. Double Norwood winner, Daft, was unable to make it a triple, due to honeymooning in Cape Verde with some nursing sizeable hangovers from the aforementioned wedding and others from the KCC double champions promotion party. Nevertheless a neat 9 were accompanied by tour photographer Hepburn, fresh from some Twenty/20 action. Tuckwell experienced trouble first up with some ‘deposit’ discrepancy, unfortunately not the last admin error of the day.

With bacon consumed, buggies wheel spinning out the wild west car park and tripod erected, Tuckwell (S), Hall and Meadows were first to feel the camera’s glare and safely navigated the first. Player cam dropped in on 2 and 3 and Hepburn was seen on the blower to the editor, reportedly to hold the back page, with a big scoop in the offing. Meadows remained disciplined with the driver firmly in the cart, showing immense mental strength to quell the temptation, exorcet irons off the tee proved well founded. Hall struck the ball nicely, fresh from an a.m. football run out, local Tollerton leg end Jon Dann forced to sit out with alcoholic sickness. Tuckwell kept it steady; with all three comfortable with the ‘money shot’ when the camera appeared. Tuckwell and Meadows tied at the turn. A horror show on the moss, on 10, for the big hitters proved the adage ‘drive for show, putt for the dough’ correct: Hall showing the way. Tuckwell began spraying the big stick right, and loosened the larynx with some hefty ‘fore’ shouts, Hall less than happy with the undue attention whilst doing some ‘spraying’ of his own. (Hope you were down wind!) The elevated 17th tee proved an ideal chance to watch the second group out… until Vin over clubbed with a ‘buggy seeker’, Tuckwell panicked and tried to make like a shepherd and get the flock out of there, only succeeding in squaring Hall up in the path of the oncoming object, the ball fortunately landing safely between path and limbs. Another deft up and down from Meadows set up yet another nett eagle on the Par 5 last, after previously taming the Par 5, stroke one: a drive and mid iron landing to 15 foot. Hall finished with a flourish; a nett eagle concluded a personal best 9 holes and head held high. Tuckwell got excited with an 8 ft birdie putt of his own, racing it 4 ft past and missing the return, suggestions that it was for handicap protection were dispelled, after the ball was propelled over an adjacent hedge with the red mist gathering. Meadows by one.

Baker Snr provided the filling in a Tuckwell sandwich, with A.T. and the return of Vinny for companions: the latter with his first game back on home soil for 15 months. A midweek sighter down the range was all that was required as the perennial traveler hit some lusty blows. Some uncharacteristic ‘fats’ up the first unfortunately set the tone for Baker Snr as the other senior pro struggled to find his A-B-C or D game. Baker had a commendable, second ball, reload par, up the 8th. Returning to the tee in due course, Horsburgh thought that Baker had had enough of the Tollerton duo and was coming to make a 4! Vin by 1 at the turn and carried on with 2 nett birdies around Amen corner. Tuckwell Snr pulled himself together and delivered a solid back 9, a cracking par, way out of position, the highlight on 16. More balls lost in one round than the previous 5, limited the Baker charge. Vin was determined to take the group spoils by any means necessary: Having nearly decapitated the lead group on 17, his attempted second out of the thick stuff whizzed over the cart and passed between A.T’s and Barry’s ears, nearly accounting for a 5 man wipe out with one ball. With that attempt failed; Vin stepped up the gas down the last for the commendable group honours.

Hoenigmann found himself last up with Hefter and Horsburgh Jnr, due to the navigation of the latter: not for the first time ringing for directions after finding the course entrance elusive. Horsburgh started ominously, while Hefter questioned the handicap given, protesting 2 to many, what a gent! Hoenigmann burst into life with an exquisite nett eagle on the very tricky Par 5, 4th as they all sped for the turn and pole position. A dead heat saw the trio well placed on 17 points apiece, and the course record in sight. Hoenigmann raced into a 3 point lead on 12, which alerted the course photographer’s attention which in turn derailed the ‘Flying Scotsman’ Horsburgh found the going tough; reaching for the driver proving not to be answer. Hoenigmann regrouped surpassing the 30 point barrier for a career high total and the accolades from those gathered, well played. Hefter rediscovered some of his 2006 form, consolidating on a 9 point mid way stretch as the lesser spotted Meadows was once again seen prowling the 18th…

With Meadows having Tuckwell’s back 9 mark in mind rather than his own, it was Hefter who had apparently scooped the title for his first victory since the KCC Rushcliffe Open in 2006. With winnings paid out, compliments taken and post game synopsis on board it was the tricky task of navigating back south of the river. A closer inspection of the cards en route to Tollerton revealed Meadows had also equalled Hefter’s back 9, due to an incorrectly read card not an incorrectly marked card.

After much deliberation, phone calls and red faces it was Meadows (35) who scooped his second victory in two outings from Hefter (35) on the back 3 holes. Tuckwell, S (34) made up the podium with special mention to Hoenigmann (31) Tuckwell, V (30) and Hall (29) scoring so well around a notoriously difficult course.

Meadows Makes Hay

Back with a bang after a lengthy weather enforced absence. A fulsome fifteen on a glorious summer’s afternoon attempted to tame the might that is Horsley Lodge. Following a scratch competition, tricky pin placements was all that was needed on slick undulating greens. Posting a score on the front 9 a must, with a tough back 9 to follow and plenty of water.

Buttress, Daft and Frame were on pole and it was Frame who was first to (mis) fire but was thankful for a false start, reprieve and chance to regain composure. Mulligan’s all round was the word from the players lounge. A nett eagle up the opener for Buttress set optimism on high, followed by a similar result for Frame on 2. Daft remained steady as Buttress recovered exceptionally from some erratic drives. A solid opening 9 saw the group split by 2 and a platform for greater things. However, fatigue was cited in the back 9’s low accumulation: new fatherhood, wedding expectations and house moves all weighing heavily. With no one keen to impose themselves it was a shoot out down the last for the honours. Unfortunate for Buttress, his ball shot out of town and it was left to Daft to sneak home with the trio separated by a point.

Chubb, Hoenigmann, Allen and Meadows, thought buggies would be the order of the day, the latter expecting GPS as promised but was left disappointed. Hoenigmann thankfully found the brake before careering into the tee and registering a strike with the cluster of bags. All or nothing for Meadows as the opener sailed off into next week never to be found again, but back to back birdies signaled intent. Chubb, on his season debut, dished up a mixed bag of 3’s and 1’s as did debutant Allen. Hoennigmann, the man of the moment, produced his best 9 holes to date, 7 points in the opening 2 holes, inspired, and a 2 shot half way lead. Meadows appeared to be stuck in first around the turn but opened up the throttle with his second back to back birdies of the day and 10 points in 3 holes. Allen and Chubb both consolidated with some solid golf as Hoenigmann hit the wall, quite literally on 13, as the ball ricocheted back towards the whites of his eyes, a last minute emergency manoevre saw him unscathed but 60 yards further away from the hole. It was left to Meadows to play out his round for the honours, 2 blobs and two 3 pointers up the stretch summed up the day!

Horsburgh Jnr, Hall, Ladd and A.T were the penultimate group. Rumours that the glass was half full and not empty for Ladd, looking to round off a the weekend in style, a Watford win and a glorious ’69’ on the previous day, apparently the best Baker Snr had ever seen… Come on, cricket, honestly. A.T peaked early on the first from there after driving proved as difficult as the route to Horsley. Self appointed USPGA tour official Horsburgh was in the thick of action on 2 as a Ladd approach scooted dangerously across the green to the water only being kept dry by a brittle branch, a drop was refused and suggestions that Horsburgh should bugger off to Southern Hills fell on deaf ears! A.T’s seemed to be favouring the reload as Horsburgh remained rock steady. Hall appeared to be battling inner demons, with the seed of the TGS low planted firmly in the back of the mind. Horsburgh a comfortable 5 clear at the turn. Hall had a purple patch round amen corner with a couple of 3 pointers to reduce levels to ‘simmer’. Ladd finally gained momentum scoring all the way in from 11, but it was Horsburgh, all aboard the showboat, draining nonchalantly across the 13th, pin still left in, crowd watching. The best was left to Hally, after a tumultuous ‘bag whack’ that echoed across the valley, 2 points were required to avoid the unheralded. Somehow on the par 3 16th Hall avoided the waiting water by perching perilously on a bridge over troubled waters, the only option was a reverse back handed swat that wiggled and found its way, through the windmill, over the viaduct and in and out the clowns mouth impressively on to the short stuff, 2 putts secured a very important 2 points. Hall was last seen chuntering that he knew he should have taken up the game left handed! Horsburgh remained rock solid to post the only card with a score on every hole.

Tuckwell Jnr, Baker Snr, Dennis and Hefter were drawn last. Dennis was taken to one side and asked to be seated whilst the full effect of his previous exceptional rounds would be revealed. A cull form 21 – 14, clearly affected pistol, with a ‘wormburner’ off the first, but finished with a chip in for 3 points, 2 birdies in the next 3 holes and 11 points after 4 looked ominous. The handicap committee wondering how they could wriggle out of this one, with another big Dennis pay day on the horizon. Baker Snr did his bit for the cause marking Dennis off a handicap off 4! 7 points after 9 was a little harsh. Baker Snr as usual struck irons off the tee with usual power, precision and accuracy as Tuckwell Jnr stuck to his game plan of 15 good holes and three complete shockers. Hefter lit the fuse on 7: chipping through the green and down a precipice, an unfathomable shot lay ahead: With the ball thinned as just shot from a cannon, the first syllables off some profanity were short lived as the ball careered full ball into the pin and dropped straight into the cup, among roars of laughter. Tuckwell found water for the second time, on 8, as form player Baker Snr squeezed in a delightful up and down on 9 in front of the gallery for a monster 20 points and 2 point lead. Hefter kept things steady until a belting tee shot on 13 just found water. Dennis couldn’t quite build on the early momentum with the ball being dispatched to all parts. Baker Snr regained parity in the middle of the 9 after taking a sabbatical. With it all in the balance up the last, Meadows could be seen prowling the terraces, keen on news from the approaching 4! Tuckwell limped home by one from Baker Snr with Dennis a further point back.

After a two month absence, it was Meadows (33) who scooped his maiden tour victory with some aggressive play, followed by Horsburgh Jnr (32) and Tuckwell Jnr (32). A beautiful course with undulating greens saw ‘65 blobs’ in total and no less than 5 from the champ! A definite for 2008.

Smashed

With faith finally restored in the met office, after a near weekend washout, Stanton paid host to the hopeful travelling 17. An abundance of ‘members’ saw a very generous green fee aided by a very generous (mis) calculation. Thank you.

Meadows, Frame, Mckenzie-Bell and McLoughlin opened up, nearly a 3 ball with Meadows walking like John Wayne with the weight of the world appearing to be applied to the foot. When questioned, a late night, play fight, volley to a mates head resulted in some bulbous little toes. It appears the incident happened without footwear but those involved were fully clothed! Despite this setback Meadows was first to show with some nett birdies, before taking some tentative steps backwards with his swollen digits. Frame decided to steal the limelight on 5. With things in the balance Frame lined up a putt too many resulting in an almighty split in his kecks – group laughter reaching all parts. Clearly method to the madness: an unrestricted free swinging birdie on 6 followed. Mckenzie-Bell was the steady player but couldn’t shrug off McLoughlin at the turn. Frame hit a strong northerly up the stretch deflating his sails but certainly didn’t experience any sweaty… palms. Meadows was three clear up the last but couldn’t have anticipated a fine nett eagle from McKenzie-Bell to level matters. McLoughlin, off a tight mark, finished solidly contemplating what could haven been.

Hoenigmann was partnered by the Plough boys: Horsburgh Snr and Tuckwell Snr of which the opening credit could also apply. The latters both claiming to be out of touch, with A.T hoping that if 10 games in 10 days wouldn’t do the trick, an afternoon in the Plough would! Hoenigmann opened up with 5 in 5 – bunkers that is, but produced some great sand saves. Horsburgh was hanging in there; deforming the hole with an aggressive one on 5 to keep in touch until a double watery grave in the middle trap on 6 halted proceedings. A.T was having a London Pride/ Spitfire / Roaring Meg fuelled front 9 to be leading by 4. Unfortunately the only liquid to be found at the turn was H20 which clearly upset the ballast, until - the scent of the Plough once again filled the nostrils up the business end. Horsburgh wrestled some 90º demons before being corrected. Hoenigmann had a mini wobble before regaining composure and once again finishing with the same ball that he set out with.

Ladd and Dennis were once again teamed up: both debating that the aim of such events was to surely meet new people… so Drury was added to provide some seasoning. Most days of the week Ladd’s 17 point half way total would leave one ready for an onslaught and rutting for group superiority but found Drury applying a, foot to the throat, choke hold, with a superb one over par, 23 point haul. If that was the choke hold Dennis produced such barbarity that a double life sentence would have been dished out. A monster 26 point opening salvo, smashing Hepburn’s, best 9, record by 1 with 20 points in the final 6. Drury drew within 2 points on the 12th but the searing heat proved unapproachable and the challenge went up in flames. Ladd, serving up the aperitif’s, finally drew the plaudits with an immense iron to 4 foot on 15. Birdie surely… Not after Drury and Dennis, both in the sand, removed a small sand dune which cascaded right onto the line of the putt; which was left a sand grain short, no justice! Dennis simmered home to announce to the baying crowd what had just unfolded, brave man!

Ardent campaigners Horsburgh Jnr and Hefter were joined by debutant and ex-40 goal season man, Rymer II who let fly with a screamer off the first. Hefter was making all the running: 14 points through 5, banishing any prior demons. For once Horsburgh’s short game dipped below the usual impeccable standards leaving the suave figure of Hefter in a haze on the horizon, clear by 8. Horsburgh improved but couldn’t quite claw back the deficit as Hefter finished with handbrake firmly applied, although had enough in the bank for the group honours

The KU Connection of Tuckwell Jnr, Ball and past Stanton Junior Captains Allen and Aldred brought up the rear. Ball, the Tony Drago of golf, played ‘blink and you’ll miss it stuff’ - intent on a couple of looseners before home time. Alldred with one of his first games of the year quickly got back into the swing, recovering with some soft touches. Tuckwell was scrappy but was aided by home field course knowledge. Allen ruing an uncharacteristic double on 4, called for back to back birdies and delivered, seeing him clear by 1 at the turn with all four only separated by 2. Purists had to check that it was golf and not a late night subscription required after Ball had reportedly ‘whacked one off’ the 13th, followed by Aldred ‘tugging one off’ the 14th but fears were allayed. With things become more errant the aerial root was called for and out came the ‘flop’; executed nicely by Tuckwell before Allen required a couple of 30 yard recoveries after firing through the greens. With Ball relaying the benefits of spread betting, usually while putting, Alldred became the focus of player cam and where the smart money should be laid. Ball rekindled aspirations with a tidy nett eagle on 16. Tuckwell finished strongly but wasn’t allowed to 3 stab on 18 to avoid a handicap reduction. A great up and down by Aldred saw him home by one.

And off to the Plough (or back for some) to compare and contrast the days proceedings. An absolute monster from Dennis (47) smashing Ladd’s all-comers record, 43 pts, and Hepburn’s 9 hole high, 25 pts, ensured a back to back victory. The Stanton boys jostled for the minor places with Aldred (38) pipping Tuckwell Snr (38) on the back 9 for silver.

Potter's Magic Wand

Credit where credits due but there could’ve been one of many headlines: Unlucky for some. N.N.N.N.N.Nineteen. Don’t give up the day job. I’m a believer. The Omen.

Thirteen made the trip, although a lot of curtain twitching, phone calls and texting saw the numbers fluctuate throughout the day. Only one casualty as the sky alternated between various shades of grey and wetness. Ladd tried his best to dodge proceedings: citing a heavy work load, later revealed to be having BT installed at the New Hickling Farmstead!

Pre match drinks (and shelter) were the order before Thacker, Drury and Hepburn got matters underway. Heppers will perhaps regret quizzing the resident pro if he missed coaching hackers on late, wet evenings…Thacker and Drury began accumulating, unperturbed by the rat poison on the 6th tee as Hepburn did his best for England in the Eurovision ‘Nil Pwoin’. The highlight spectacularly sending the ladies tee marker cart wheeling into a thicket with a loose drive. Despite not having the radar properly adjusted it was Thacker by one at the turn. All good pros have their ideal yardage to the pin therefore it was perhaps no surprise when Thacker duly obliged for birdie on 11. The fact a semi thin, shank, top was dispatched off the tee was irrelevant. Hepburn unloaded a Barnes Wallace off the 15th which led to scenes of Watership Down, as it finally skimmed itself to a standstill. With the end finally insight , previous low beaten but more balls lost than points Hepburn headed for a G&T to assess his golfing future, (noting that the last time such atrocities occurred, young Thacker was a playing partner!) Thacker commendably scrambled home with only one ‘blob’ and the group spoils.

Horsburgh’s Jnr, Snr and Hefter set off in summer gear buoyed by Stats’ promise of sun!?! A steady opening by all 3 as the black abyss drew near. The edge of a brief, heavy shower didn’t dampen scoring but saw Horsburgh Jnr have a rare visit to the trees on 7, clearly tactical to keep the rain off! Horsburghs’ inseparable at the turn. Hefter appeared to being enjoying his prophecies but as the sun appeared and the course dried up, so did his points scoring. Something special about the 11th as Horsburgh Jnr fired the second birdie of the day: A 70yd pitch straight into the can, to snatch the impetus. Jason was 5 clear with 3 to play after trouble by Father on the 15th deemed ‘short straight’. Hilarity ensued as Bob found tree trouble up the left not once but thrice clattering timber and ricocheting back into play. With poker face back on Bob tamed the monstrous 16th and 17 leaving him two behind son up the last. Jason held firm despite relentless pressure to be home by one.

Season’s debutants Baker Jnr and Dean were up with Tuckwell Jnr, who had an absolutely unbelievable round… Unbelievable that he only went out of bounds once, only lost one ball and only blobbed once, although the top spin forehand was working majestically. Enough said. Baker as always proved there’s never a dull moment in the family genes, spraying it left, right and not centre. Although behind trees in deep rough twice accounted for birdies, natural! Dean, so often the nearly man, racked up an impressive accumulation of points, with a steady eye and wizard like putting. Baker and Dean tied handsomely at the turn. A close umbrella incident nearly derailed the Potter push, closing cutely and nearly drawing blood. A wobble after the turn let in Baker until disaster happened...Rob hit a fairway on 14, and hit the rocks. Although cream always rises: an outrageous birdie up the last. Dean regrouped and with a fine up and down on the last completed an excellent 18 holes.

Hoenigmann arrived in the nick of time with a horde of disgruntled regulars gathering on the tee (still in Stoke at 3.45!) and joined Ladd, Jenkinson, Dennis. Jenkinson was the first to show but struck up some military precision when there was no real room to. Ladd took up the reigns despite some swishing in the long stuff. Jenkinson’s mental set was not helped by a generous ‘gimme’ to Ladd by Hoenigmann. Jenks was incensed after Ladd declared a tongue in cheek ‘4’. ‘You can’t, you didn’t, you had 3 in the rough. The bait was set, the line tightened and Ladd got his man. Ladd by 4. Dennis picked up the pace scoring on all bar one as Hoenigmann finished creditably with the same ball. Despite being the tallest man on tour, Ladd recorded a marvellous feat, ‘a below the head par’: The ball not once going above 12”6… With this Ladd saw himself comfortably home.

The 19th proved too much for Jenkinson as he had the average age of the Vietnam Soldiers on his mind during the just short of 20 mile trip back home, proving Baker with more ammo than necessary. After last years wash out, finishing in glorious sunshine was certainly a highlight.

The sun certainly shone on Jim ‘The Preston Potter’ Dean (37) scooping his maiden tour victory, Baker (34) and Ladd (33) making it a squeeze on the podium. With winnings collected Jim departed, no doubt reminiscing fondly to another Tollerton high: Being serenaded in Eindhoven (to the Dexy’s tune of Come On Eileen) Oh, come on Jim Dean, Oh come on Jim Dean, come onnn Jim Dean!

Watch Out Beedles About

Beedles Lake: A pleasant forecast yet high winds greeted the travelling 11, with no bearded claw handed TV presenter or hidden cameras around. Although…there was the burly, cheerful, yet slightly camp, imposing starter. Despite regular referrals to us as ‘gentlemen’ a feeling of being 17 years old and waiting to be ID’d outside the Palais, being caught adding an extra penny chew in the bag at the local newsagent or being caught carrying a firearm, dawned in the debrief. Failure to show a working pitch mark repairer would categorically result in no golf and a drive back up the A46! Fortunately, repairers were hustled and all passed the acid test and were free to advance to go and not directly to jail.

Tuckwell Snr, Ladd and Hefter were unleashed with the 18 hole land speed record in sight. A.T opened in promising fashion with a couple of 3 pointers after a monster putt on the opener, unfortunately there was only one way to go from there… Ladd got in the mood with a lengthy one of his own on 6 for a ‘fill yer boots’ birdie. Stroke 1 proved troublesome with Hefter registering the lone point as the pace increased. Tuckwell with one eye on Tuscany appeared in a rush losing his 2nd ball in 2 holes on 7 & 8. Ladd by 3 at the turn. With the remaining groups a dot on the landscape, A.T slipped in the fact would be ‘abroad’ for the next month which was too much for the weakening Ladd, already ‘cricketed out’ from Saturday. Determined not to lose his 5th ball of the day A.T ventured into unchartered swamp like territory and blasted out a mudcaked object, which may have been a ball, on to the green. Ladd refused to mark fearing scurvy, dysentery or e-bola. Hefter again the only one troubling the scorecard up the last as they waited… waited… waited for the others to arrive.

Hoenigmann, fresh with ’06 Skegness mud, Proludic partner in crime, Dennis, Meadows and Daft provided the filling in the TGS sandwich. Daft dicing with eternal damnation after ducking out of a ‘vows rehearsal’ and an out-laws christening (top man!) Meadows, ripped and ready was off to a quick start along with Daft. 3 and 4 pointers were plentiful amongst the four ball in a profitable 9 holes. Meadows by 1. The wind appeared to derail a trio of challenges after the turn although God appeared to forgive young Richard’s decision, doffed his golfing hat, and rewarded thou noble squire with 5, 3 pointers! Hoenigmann was solid through the mid section before being targeted by a Tuckwell Jnr duck hook. Meadows consolidated for another post 30 score although surely not far off a ‘biggie’. Daft kept the faith to see him through.

Baker (the power) Snr, Bungay, Brown and Tuckwell Jnr were last up. Brown started with purpose: driving the first and lipping out for eagle. Tuckwell clinging on to the coat tails. Baker found it difficult off the tee but laughed in the face of deep rough and awkwardly placed trees regaining position with unerring disdain and accuracy. Bungay proved ‘Horsburghesque’: straight and accurate in a steady accumulation of points. Brown and Tuckwell reduced the Par 5 9th to a bludgeon and a flick, and just missed their eagle putts to lead by 1 from the ever steady Bungay. Baker began cranking up the voltage inversely draining energy from a tiring Bungay: a big 4 points on 11 increasing the wattage. Brown became unstuck on the tricky 16th but bounced back with a sand save birdie on 17. Tuckwell appeared to riding his luck up the stretch, a bridge and a tree saving a watery grave on 16 and 18 with Hoenigmann the saviour on 17 (sorry Mike!) The final 4 finally made it to the club house to find the opening group in amongst a haze of empty pint glasses and an impromptu mini session!

Another action packed afternoon saw a rare Tuckwell Jnr (37) victory and a scampering towards the rules book for a loophole in handicap reduction. Another solid round from Brown (35) saw a top 2 finish, followed by a ‘cleansed soul’ Daft (34) and Baker Snr (33) due a big score very soon – dependant on social calendar!

So Close as Sanders Scoops the Opener

A trip up the M1 saw a revisiting of the sand laden ranked 1 course of 2006. Maybe the presence of the place accounted for some early casualties: A.T due to lower back troubles: Some attributing this to a year previous when an unleashed 3 wood left the reigning course champ cork screwing to the floor and onto the seat of his britches. The defense claim excessive painting and decorating. Hoenigmann missed out to celebrate the birth of a bouncing baby daughter on Saturday morning. This wouldn’t have stopped Baker Jnr who managed to golf Friday and a double weekend header of cricket after a Thursday birthday! But a hectic social calendar led to unavailability.

Needless to say a sterling effort of 12 including debutant Sanders of ex-KCC fame (and future: Ladd & Baker Snr with 18 holes to convince!) and ex-Tangerine. 1 game: And what a game, Jenko being chased off the pitch by an amoeba with an iron bar, not for the last time in his illustrious career! So why did we pack the football up again..?

2006 Champion, Horsburgh Jnr, paraded the trophy as he began his defence, albeit in the handicappers vice like grip.

Ladd, Sanders and Baker Snr had the honour of the TGS curtain raiser with Ladd given the onus of the opening hit: which started left and continued with some heavy away swing.

Baker Snr true to form split the fairway: an impressive 3 iron complete with kitchen sink. A steady opening 9 saw all three rutting for the early impetus. A birdie up the tricky 9th the highlight from Sanders who led by one at the turn. Baker Snr wishing he’d swapped points for bunkers visited: 15 by the turn. The turn saw Ladd carry on in last seasons fashion stakes another top draw piece of head wear provided the catalyst at the short island 11th: A marvelous birdie for 4 points.

A very solid back 9 by all with only 2 ‘no scores’ registered by the trio. Sanders clear by 3 standing on 18 was made to sweat with a superb Baker ‘3’ point par but crept home to take the clubhouse lead by one.

Horsburgh Snr, Hefter (in a cutting lime outfit) and Frame were full of the joys of spring. Hefter so much so he thought he would visit another group: As a wayward second landed on an alternative tee box. Being a sport of gentlemen, the group allowed Hefter to continue, who promptly fatted the next into a wall which rebounded back to his feet, cheers lads! Unperturbed Hefter kicked through to a 3 point outward lead. With Frame and Horsburgh Snr producing a mixed bag. Things got worse for Frame as 6 holes without register on the way in, saw the Bondhay low just surpassed and led to the comment, ‘that I am never, ever, ever playing this course again!’ Horsburgh rallied around the turn as Hefter faltered although kept the group spoils.

Jenkinson, Hepburn and reigning champion Horsburgh Jnr (in attire suitable for Skegness pitch and putt) set off in the penultimate group. The writing appeared to be on the wall for Hepburn who sent his third on the opener crashing off a tree and ending up closer to the tee! Jenkinson appeared to be the ‘form’ player with a few ‘whoops’ and ‘hollers’ from the group behind as irons kept arrowing towards the pin.

Horsburgh appeared to be in holiday mode: with lots of sand displacement, with Hepburn looking in trouble. A G&T couldn’t revive the resident bookie who pulled up at the turn: sighting an apparent ‘sore wrist’ from the morning’s football game. Although the jury’s still out! Jenkinson by 5. A ‘3 point’ brace saw Jenkinson extend as all three kept it ‘dry’ on the 11th. Horsburgh consolidated, past the ‘Bondhay low’, as Hepburn resigned himself to ball spotting, banter and gin consumption!

The young bucks; Tuckwell Jnr, Brown, Meadows (complete with line of clothing and caddy…in appropriate footwear) were the final group out. A scrappy opening saw Brown first to show as the shoulders began to loosen and the accuracy tighten: Impressive from tee to green, wayward with the first putt and solid with testing return. Tuckwell was inconsistent as Meadows faired from the sublime to the ridiculous: either peppering the group in front, the over head aircraft or cars on the adjacent road. Brown clear by 1 after a ‘4 point’ birdie up 9. Crunch time on the 10th: Brown with the 4 iron. Tuckwell with the 3. Meadows with the 4 iron. Caddy with a chicken wing: As an immaculate picnic was unveiled! Meadows clearly in the mindset and the bit between his teeth (sausage roll remains) started racking up the points as Brown kept his foot on the gas. One lost ball too many accounted for Tuckwell’s afternoon. Brown held out for a 3 point group win despite battling some demons on the baize.

There it was an outrageously close opener. 7 of the 11 within 1 at half way. But it was debutant Sanders (32) with a crucial point up 18 that took the Greater Bonhay Open in a low scoring affair. Pipping Baker Snr (31), Brown (31) and Jenkinson (31) by 1 shot. Great work by all and a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon.