Don't Stop Me Now, I'm Having Such A Good Time.

Friday Night, Cotgrave Masters: The Keyworth baby’s head wetting party, new dad Daft, Frame and new man Reed set out with the sharp shirts pressed and waiting and one eye on the Bridgford night scene. The big bear making his TGS debut found the going tough early on, as Daft looked to return to last years glittering form. It was Frame, with previous course form, who set the early pace a handful of 3 pointers and a half way lead by 4. With the sun still high in the sky a superb 12 points were attained by the three ball on the tricky 10th as Reed went on the charge. Daft appeared to stumble, but three 3 pointers in the last 4 holes left hope. Frame with a welcome return to form posted the early club house lead and dashed for the old spice.

A late reshuffle left the experienced trio of Horsburgh Snr, Dean and Tuckwell Snr to plunder the course. Dean decked out in full PNE regalia, launched one at the tree in the middle of the first fairway; unfortunately there it remained never to be seen again! Horsburgh registered a fine up and down out of the sand, amidst reports of a prior fall out with his clubs. Midweek Boots Captains Day winner set off with wings fully clipped but shoved it down the handicap committees’ throat with a 4 pointer on 2. Horsburgh’s love / hate relationship with his sticks swung firmly to ‘detest’ as a succession of 90° right angles led to the retort, ‘Bl**dy hell just like Tuesday, what am I doing!” Dean had his own issues on 9 as the group debated whether Jim’s ball had cleared the ditch. A scene from Carry On can only be best described.

Scene 1:
Jim, Andrew, Rob, searching in the grass short of the ditch.
Rob: Titleist, Jim?
Jim: Yes, well found.
Ball is hacked over the ditch. Group proceed to walk up the fairway
Andrew: There’s a Dunlop here, wonder where that’s come from?
Jim: Oh my god! That’s my drive. I play both Titleist and Dunlop!
Both balls picked up sheepishly.

This distraction appeared to be the catalyst for Horsburgh as the shanks stopped and scoring commenced. Red hot Tuckwell led by 8 at the turn. Dean, new 9, new start, once again found the tree down the middle of the 10th but with the golfing gods given enough amusement the ball was this time returned as Jim began to pile on the points. No respite from Tuckwell as a monster putt was holed off the green for the first of his two birdie 2’s on the back 9. Get your lottery tickets Andrew: an apparent below par bogey on 17 was made to look even more impressive as it included a visit to the water. The Sun shines on the righteous!

Baker, sporting a tangerine, adonis, figure hugging top, and the two loose cannons: Ball and Dessaur were looking to liven things up. Baker produced the usual: a mixed bag of big hitting 3 pointers and no scores, unfortunately the latter being more common place. Dessaur and Ball were blow for blow, with Dessaur leading by 1 at the turn. Dessaur turned up the heat with a chip in on 10, closely followed by Ball who lipped out with the next shot. Baker failed to trouble the scorers until the 13th, while the others continued trailblazing. Dessaur’s ‘lazer’ putting technique holding firm and Ball more at home on the flat than the hilly terrain of Rushcliffe! Baker had the last word: driving to 12 foot on the last and departing with 4 very welcomed points!

Horsburgh Jnr, Hefter, Atkinson and Ladd were elevated up the order. Hefter keen to be paired with Horsey to discuss the merits of spread betting. Atkinson set the first 5 holes alight accumulating four 3 pointers, Hefter impressively impersonated a camel and decided to douse those flames with four ‘slashes’ in the first 5 holes! Ladd, in the handicappers grip, was left trailing the early leaders Atkinson and Horsburgh, in spite of claiming some relief from a rabbit hole. Horsburgh was looking to power home but had some issues ‘inserting whilst on the tee’ and had to settle for another above par, but below expectations performance. Hefter was disappointed to miss out again after the free scoring show at Wollaton. Atkinson held it together with his best ever round and the group spoils, well done Reggie. Ladd crept home giving the punters plenty to think about before parting with any cash.

Thacker, Phoenix and Hepburn were the penultimate group out. Hepburn with a chance to harass Ladd, was once again ‘peppered’ himself standing innocently on the veranda as a ball pin balled amongst the table and chairs from the 9th. Hepburn, still shaken, propelled his first tee shot inversely proportional to Thacker who struck the heart of the green with a 3 wood. A 3 stab from Thacker seemed to set the tone for his round and set the blood levels to simmer. Hepburn began to crank it up with a procession of scores with Phoenix once again setting a formidable pace, leading by 2. A raucous Phoenix birdie on the difficult 8th was even more outstanding after a huge putt was sunk through arctic wasteland, tundra and desert. Things were going from bad to worse for Thacker, a ¾ flick with a sand wedge on the tiny 17th, sailed handsomely into next week and steam began to appear from the aforementioned ears, and blood set on boil. This was followed by the hugest hit ever witnessed by Phoenix. Thacker ripped and ready with meltdown imminent launched a monster down the never ending lake line on the 17th. After a minute of would it / wouldn’t it the ball ‘splashed’ agonisingly short of safety as the volcano erupted! Phoenix will be disappointed not to have scored up the last as Hepburn had the last laugh with the group win on count back.

New man Haslam, Hallam, dressed for Cotgrave leisure centre, ‘schools out for summer’ Tuckwell Jnr and Hall propped up the rear hoping to save the best until last. The quartet started very steadily. Tuckwell finding some solace with a 4 pointer on 2 amongst some very erratic play on the short stuff. Hall remained consistent scoring on every hole, while the Bingham boys flew out the traps. Hallam was ecstatic and vociferous after his first professional birdie: yielding a stern reprimand from the group in front unaware of the significance. Andy, still on the crest of a wave accumulated 11 points in 3 holes despite constant barracking from Hall. Tuckwell took matters in his own hands to reel in the high flying Haslam, off a very questionable ‘28’ handicap. After lashing at a wide drive in thick bermuda the ball came out head high at right angles, a quick dodge and weave left Haslam unscarred! A face from the past, Fergie: ‘The Tango Kid, of previous Cotgrave FC v Tollerton FC fame teed up behind the final four. Much waiting on each tee proved too much for the ‘cheeky chappie’ and he was seen swinging from the branches of the 8th tee a’la a young Martin Ball. The ‘stocky chopper’ then proceeded to race to the following tee to offer an array of freshly picked wild cherries! How bizarre! Haslam by 1 at the turn. Tuckwell started the back 9 on the offensive with three 3 pointers then became offensive as yet more putts slipped past! Hallam had another purple patch restoring his scoring potency. Hall found some consistency with a shortened swing and an ever improving game: reinforced by scoring on all but one hole, well done Matt. Haslam finished with a huge 47 points including a blob and two 1 pointers and facing a stewards’ enquiry!

The jockey’s awaited the news in the paddock and were left hats off once again to the man of the moment Tuckwell Snr (41) with an immense 2 over, 72 gross. A man who clearly enjoys the course after previously having a ’69’ round the same track. The podium places were a tight affair with a compact field. Dessaur (40), Hallam (40) filling them with career high rounds followed by Atkinson (39) and a return to form by Frame (39).